I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
