my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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