a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
