the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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