I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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