"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
