can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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