Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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