1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
