Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
