I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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