your parents love me but you hate me
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
