i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
