A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
