guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
