dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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