its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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