Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
