I think my fart just growled at me.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
