Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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