went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Holy sore nipples Batman
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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