we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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