im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
