ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
