It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
