I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
