you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
And my parents said I crawled through the house
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
