I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Your cock deserves a montage
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
