he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
