I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
