I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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