we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
