I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I need water and some morals
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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