one might say we're banned from that church
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
