Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
