Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
