Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
