So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
