My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
