we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
