Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You ruined the universe
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
