you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
