that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
