Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
