grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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