What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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