I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
