You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I am full of burrito and curiosity
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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