Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
When did angry sex become our thing?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
