First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
