It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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