toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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