i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
