Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
