So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
